A novel idea

I have a few ideas rattling around for things I want to create, some of them are for growth, many are just because I have the ideas. I love the process of taking an idea and turning it into something real, a physical manifestation of a thought.

One of those ideas is doing an open mike comedy routine, I thought it could not only be fun but that I would crush it. For a minute there I was even dedicating real time to write my “tight five”, a loose two and a half is sitting somewhere in a notebook.

I have at least two fiction novels started each with a dedicated notebook. There is absolutely no way to tell what I was going for now in one of them, as the sentences seem to meander around thoughts not captured. Not all book ideas make it that far, I’ve got one a bit further with a list of characters that I can’t even keep track of.

I’ve got a notebook I filled with random short stories and starts to poems. Most half done or better. Only one or two complete. This one creative burst stemmed from a micro-dosed Saturday in the woods. The creativity flowed through the next few days. That book has not seen attention since.

I have a different notebook for poetry, and a smaller one for songs that I truly do want to finish. These are just the written word pile ups which pales to the myriad of sketches scattered through out piles of paper. Ideas of things to create and half finished manifestations.

I love this chapter of my life and my mind so please don’t read these as complaints, far from it. I do want to finish all of these and have more coming every day.

I know what would help me, it isn’t a mystery, it’s what most of us are missing, Love, I can not even begin to imagine what I could have accomplished if I had Love in my corner, someone who got excited with me instead of criticizing. If you take a step back and look at the last time someone from your friend group or work group shared an idea they were excited about. Was there encouragement? or did someone mention “what you ought to do” or worse, “why it won’t work”. Most of the time it looks a lot more like this “I could not do that “. We men especially seem stuck in this competitive habit. We often hear in relation to ourselves, when someone says “I like X” we are quick to reply with how we rate X. It leaves no real room for our fellow man to sound out things. Of course I am just assuming, everyone else may have healthy friends who get excited and fully support them. I would ask that you kindly write this all out so that I can stumble across it for help. That’s silly, I can’t imagine why someone with a healthy friends group would be sitting around blogging about it, I’m guessing they are out kayaking.

I really want Love, but at this point I might even settle for a muse, maybe I could clear out some of the clutter in the books and the mind.

The other option is discipline I guess, I was really hoping to have retired from that though. Sigh.

Let’s recap, a beautiful woman who fires up my soul or forcing myself to wake up earlier and writing. I’m going to pretend to struggle with this one for a while.

I have a few notebooks of random thoughts and prayers that one day may help me fill out the nonfiction book I will write. I’ve even have a couple books containing rough drafts of chapters, probably the same story scribbled furiously, I can’t tell. I can’t go back and read them because I know that’s not how those words are spelled. At least with this book I know the title “Individual results may vary”

This blog is one of those ideas, and one that I am surprised has this many entries. I am beginning to think that this is how I write my book. Like maybe the capturing of these thoughts real time, seemingly random, compiled later. I know that’s it means forcing myself to write on here more, Also to keep some sort of focus.

Damn it. Looks like discipline is winning.