Baby it’s cold outside

As someone who lives with depression I can say that I feel this divide between myself and others. I have good friends, ones I spend a lot of time with and real effort into being close to, but there is a void.

Please sir, before you start down your God shaped hole theory, consider the writer. I love God, the gift He gave me that allows our relationship, and the life that He has brought me through. The pain and the divide is just one of those things that He is still bringing me through.

I feel that divide strongly right now and for the damndest reason. The other day I received some great news, incredible really, some family members of mine decided to share their land with me, to carve out a piece that I could make my own.

This was fantastic news and an answer to a long running prayer for a place to call home. Absolutely amazing news that I was excited to share, and no one to share it with.

I know that this is a ridiculous problem to have, to be given a gift and wanting to share in the excitement, the creativity that flowed while standing there. To seemingly have the world, but complain because I don’t have anyone in my life that gets excited about my wins to share it with.

Is this how Adam felt? I wonder if he would have chosen to remain in the lonely state, if he knew how it would end with Eve?

I know that I could “not be lonely” and just fill the void, and that the filling would be fantastic, but I know how much more lonely I will feel when I am next to someone who I can’t really share with. It is definitely better to be alone rather than being with someone who makes you feel alone.

The problem is, I am alone and I feel alone.