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I celebrated my 51st B-Day recently. I found it more prudent not to plan anything huge like I was trying to do for my 50th.

The plan for that was to walk the Vermont Long trail, and to visit friends along the way. The hope was that a few people would join me in the celebration whether that be in the towns or on the trails. I have been wanting to hike this particular hike since the Appalachian trail when there is about a 100 mile overlap. I hiked a lot of the overlap alongside two young ladies from Vermont who were celebrating their friendship on this 272 mile walk. Their plan went splendidly.

Until it didn’t.

I was reminded that The Appalachian Trail was clearly where I was meant to be, as evident by every door opening, and the way unfolding seamlessly, and for things like these, they almost half to. I describe it like winning the lottery every hundred miles. Not only are there the physical threats like the meniscus tears as you ascend and descend uneven terrain, under load. There also can not be any family emergencies that need your attention, or financial problems. Everything has to go well, every hundred miles (≈ week). For me it took a little over 6 months to walk the 2200 miles of The Appalachian trail. A lot of things have to work out in order to take 6 months off of life.

Each step I took towards the Vermont Long trail and My 50th birthday was the opposite.

I am truly thankful to have been there, and would again, but instead of walking I was sitting helpless beside a loved one through a rather somber and trying time. I did not then and would not now pick the trip over time with them, I am truly thankful when I can be useful in these things, and believe that is why I am here. That is part of the proof on how I know I was supposed to be on the A.T. When I was.

And It wasn’t that I wanted to add The Vermont long trail to the resume, I have not really hiked since the A.T. And don’t even know how long it would take me if I could, it was that I wanted to feel those type of connections again. The simple yet deep connections that seem to come so easily to people on these long hikes, and seemingly impossible to find elsewhere for me. Plus I figured it was as good of a reason as any to get moving again.

I admittedly had put a lot of “Hope” into 50, a lot of energy was utilized in prayer and in attempting to manifest the actual starting of all the previous “visions”. There was no shortage of belief that it would be the year I found Love down here. Most daydreams started with me finding the woman whose heart aligns and then we crush God’s will together.

I celebrated my 51st birthday alone the other day so I suppose it is fair to conclude that those dreams did not indeed come true.

Year 50 was by no means bad at all, in fact the very thing mentioned before, that changed my plans is indeed a huge blessing. For as much of a deal as I make about seeking genuine connections, and building true bonds, I couldn’t then be upset about being needed by those connections. That seems absurd to me.

I would actually say it was a great year. On top of having another year of growing closer to my children, I also had a chance to fulfill another bucket list dream.

To go camping on the beach, not get drunk and pass out on the beach, but to intentionally set up a little slice of heaven, and to fully immerse yourself in those moments. To sleep under the stars while the waves crash nearby, to wake and watch the sunrise, to sit in prayer and do my morning devotions, all from my comfy (truck) bed.

Beyond the beach the pups and I got to hang out in those rivers and lakes that we are used to, and explore a few more.

Even if none of those things above exist, I was also able to be there when a good friend accepted Christ and was later baptized.

When you consider that the above does exists one can’t help but declare that it was indeed a good year.

My prayer is that year 51 is equally filled with His Glory, and includes Love.

I think my next entry will be a letter to her.